Katie’s Perfect World

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

 

So, yeah. In my perfect world, there’s world peace, everyone is living life to the fullest (but peacefully), and everyone’s happy.

Props to John Lennon for having the same ideals as I have.

First Memories

When I was little, my parents didn’t spend much time at home.  So, my nanny was usually the one taking me places.  And wherever I went, Teddy One went.  However, I wasn’t the most responsible child ever, and Teddy One was rather easily lost (so much for best friends).  As a result of this, my parents bought me Teddy Two and Teddy Three.  However, the other two could never replace Teddy One – his ears are (well, were. I rubbed them enough to the point where they disintegrated) the softest.  So, one time my mom came home from her assignment in Denver, I think, with her arms behind her back.  My nanny was sitting in the salmon, off-white, and light green arm-chair.  My mom came in with a huge smile and asked me who I loved most in the whole wide world. I responded, “Jesus?”  She told me no.  She then pulled out Teddy One from behind her arms.  I was very happy, and began rubbing his ears.

I Really Do Need To Get My Number Changed

I come home after a long hard day at work. Walking over to my answering machine, it appears to be frantically repeating the number 3. Sighing, I press play and begin listening to my messages. The first two are rather mundane and I begin walking away, planning to get out of my work clothes and into something more comfortable, but upon hearing the third message I freeze.

“Katie, it’s me, George,” I sigh.  George Clooney again?  What a bore that man is.  He’s got no substance; he’s all motorcycles, Hollywood parties, and exotic trips.  Blah, I hate talking to him, and have explicitly told him so.

“I know that you’ve said you hate talking to me because I apparently have no substance beneath my good tan and brilliant smile.  Apparently my efforts to singlehandedly save Darfur don’t impress you much, but whatever.”

You’re damn right your Darfur efforts don’t impress me, Clooney.  Darfur is certainly old news.  It is no longer the new black (no racial pun intended), 

“Anyway, I’m calling about something very important.  You see…well, how do I put this delicately?  You see, there’s this project that I’m working on.  It’s top-secret and has nothing to do with anything.  So, here it goes, but remember you have to keep this top-secret – “

Click.  The machine cut him off.  Ha ha, George.  I believe that this is the sixteenth phone call from you that I won’t be returning.

The Scariest Thing That’s Ever Happened to Me

When I was in Scotland, my boyfriend – a lover of frightening things – convinced me to get locked into a tomb with him.  The crypt were we locked in was under a very large hill, a burial mound of all those that the man (whose tomb we were locked in) had killed during a war.  We locked in there in complete darkness with our friend, Trevon, and his mom, Priscilla.  I was terrified from the start, but everyone got progressively more scared.  We started hearing strange noises and, although, everyone said that everything was fake, I was terrified.  I was very glad to get out of there in the morning.

Boring

On my most boring day, I woke up. My alarm on my cell phone vibrated three times. Once at 5:00, once at 6:10, and then again at 6:15. So, after the last one, I turned off my alarm, rolled out of my bed, fell asleep for three minutes again (like I always do) and then stumbled to my bathroom. I put in my contacts, washed my face, put on some sunscreen, and then some makeup. I put on my uniform and went into the kitchen to have breakfast – cereal, again.

I went back to my room, and brushed my teeth. I then left at 7: 00 and almost fell asleep a couple of times while making the forty-five minute drive to school. When I got to school, I got out of my car and made my way into the building. That day, like everyday, Mr.  class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”Mr “>Shouse bid me good morning, like he always does in that too-cheerful voice. It made me want to punch him, so maybe, just maybe, he’ll be a little less cheerful.

I went to Anatomy, then AP Literature – and almost fell asleep in both. I had to translate in AP Latin, which was unfortunate since I didn’t know what was going on. Then came lunch, the kid that sits with my friends and me told a weird story that none of us understood. Then came study hall – where I did nothing, and Advanced Writing where I wrote a boring blog. Then came Statistics, where I pretended to understand what was going on.

I was so happy when it was the end of the day! I sped home, and thanked God I didn’t get pulled over. When I got home, my dog, A Bay Bay, jumped into my car and I pet her for a little while. Then, I got a Diet Dr. Pepper from my outside refrigerator and went inside. Then I sat down to watch a Law and Order: SVU episode – I already knew who did it. I made up answers to my homework, ran, ate dinner, and went to bed.

That was my boring day.

I’m A Little Computer Virus, Short and Stout; I Don’t Have A Handle Nor A Spout

NOM NOM NOM “>NOM “>NOM NOM NOM NOM…eating my way through the internet…la te da de da…life is good! I love eating things!  I thrive not on all that I destroy, but I thrive on the chaos and sadness I create. See, people get really attached to so-called “important stuff,” you know, papers and whatnot.  But, they are the most delicious food ever created for my kind.  My little packman body is excited.

NOM NOM NOM “>NOM “>NOM “>NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM…Oh. here I am at a new computer. Oh, a twelve page paper. Yummy. Let’s look it over; Katie, AP Language, blah blah… it’s titled “Important”…oh! I love important things, they’re like birthday cake.  And I do so love birthday cake.  I wonder what flavor it is.  Chocolate?  Strawberry?  Lemon?  Vanilla?  Three, two, one…

NOM NOM NOM

It was strawberry.  I do rather dislike strawberry.  Drat.  Oh well, it was important, and, therefore, inherently delicious.  Destruction, chaos. Life is good. Now, I’m off to destroy Kelly’s paper. Yum.

Is It Okay to Lie?

One time, my sister asked me if the pants she was trying on in the mall made her look fat. “Yeah,” I replied and, in a huff, she walked away. I told her the truth, and she got offended. But, I didn’t want her walking around looking like she had the biggest butt in Atlanta.

So,I do think it’s okay to lie a little if it keeps someone from getting hurt. For example, when my dog died, my parents lied to me and didn’t say anything about it so I wouldn’t be crying about it at school. I think that’s okay and when they told me, I was okay with it – and I could be sad in the privacy of my own home.

So lying to keep people from hurting other people is okay.  But sometimes honesty is the best policy, especially if it keeps the women of Atlanta fashionable.

The Knife

My name is Kelly and I just so happen to have a passion for moose hunting. So, the knife that Katie’s dad keeps under the floor mats of his Chevrolet Suburban? Yeah, I stole it.

I have a good reason, I swear. See, we live in Athens – and Athens has a moose problem. Few people know this, but it’s true. More importantly, the reason very few people know of the moose problem is because some dedicated citizens, like myself, spend all of our free time hunting and killing moose(s).

One day, I was riding alongside Katie in her dad’s car when Katie had to slam on the brakes. In doing this, the knife slid out from underneath the seat and cut her ankle. Angry, she picked it up and showed it to me. Immediately, my eyes lit up. I knew exactly what it was – Katie didn’t. Trying to hide my excitement, I casually asked, “What is that?”
Katie replied, “I don’t even know. Some knife. One dad my dad is going to get arrested for concealed weapons,” she joked.
She was wrong. It was a moose hunting knife. A one-of-a-kind, hand carved, wood grain handle, perfectly curved and serrated blade moose hunting knife. And I had to have it.

So, late at night, when Katie and her parents were sleeping, I deactivated her alarm system (using my top-secret CIA training [yeah, that's right, CIA, Tanis. And you always thought I was the innocent one, didn't you?]) and went out to the Suburban. Since her dad rarely locks his doors, I easily got into the car. I lifted up the floor mat and there it was. Gleaming in the moonlight, it nearly said, “You NEED to take me.” So I did. I quietly slid it into my bag in secrecy.

The next day I left without suspicion. One day, Katie said, “It’s the weirdest thing, my dad can’t find that knife anywhere. You know the one I’m talking about, Kelly.”
And I did. I smiled, picturing Sharapova (that’s the knife) in the passenger seat – safely buckled up – in Helen (that’s my car). She’ll never know.

MLIA

So, there are people out there who have pretty awful days. Thus the website – and the increasingly popular catchphrase – FML has become a frequented site by many.

However, there are those of us who don’t have lives messed up enough to be on FML, so the website MLIA (My Life is Average) has spawned. MLIA is filled with anecdotes from everyday life. (Kelly and I just submitted an average story from lunch) These stories remind us that it’s okay to be average (especially since you’re bringing joy to millions of people)

1 Class I’d Like To Add

I would like to add a Russian language class to the curriculum. This would be beneficial because it offers a new and exciting language for the students. Also, I would like to learn Russian.

Well, actually, it doesn’t even need to be Russian specifically. I would just like to see more languages offered at Donovan. I would especially like to see a variety of languages.